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[20 Mar 2007|03:30pm] |
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Well, it has been an interesting month.
Josh and I have been "together" for about 6 months now.
I wouldn't change anything.
maybe except that he's so stubborn =)
Soccer started and though we ARE girls and we ARE bitches to eachother, i'm sure that this year we can look passed all the petty shit and be a close team.
We had our pizza party today at my house after practice and we all got along and that was what I was hoping for.
As much as I feel secluded from the team I do love each of those girls.
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[19 Jan 2007|07:33pm] |
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have you ever been with someone and think that they couldn't be any more perfect for you?
we fight every single day.
our fights last for about 10 minutes.
he tests me and i test him, we're both so stubborn that we don't give up.
we wrestle, we fall asleep, we eat together, pretty much everything is done together.
he's my best friend and I love him.
almost as much as I love my bffs.
my asian = my world <3
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[03 Jan 2007|08:12pm] |
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so 2006 was pretty fun. got rid of some boys.. and met the most amazing person ever <3 we weren't very good at first but now i think we are incredibly perfect together.
he's goofy and i'm the biggest nerd ever. and we love it.
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[15 Dec 2006|12:28pm] |
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So, it's funny how this year i've realized how fake my so called "friends" are.
i don't even talk to two people who i thought were my best friends anymore.
i guess they're just much happier without me. and that's ok.
but i do have some of the best friends in the world.
some friends who i have been friends with forever.
and they haven't once not invited me along.
and i can actually call them when im crying and tell them everything.
and they don't tell me im stupid just because i do something nice for josh.
like some other people do.
i have 5 of the most best friends in the world.
it's sad that ive pretty much lost two but i dont think they care all that much anyway.
h.r <3 s.a <3 k.d <3 f.l <3 s.f
them + josh is all i need =)
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[06 Dec 2006|02:33pm] |
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mmmmmm
i miss kara. i really do.
josh is cute. he really is. and he's good to me. i know a lot of u disagree but i wouldn't want to be with him if he treated me like crap. he makes me happy and that's all that matters!
Christmas is soon! im excited.
BOB EVANS with Ally friday NO SCHOOL! =)
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[22 Nov 2006|07:23pm] |
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so tonight was amazing. i dropped nick and josh off at josh's house then went over to my bff heathers house and hung out =) we went to walmart then got lost finding olive garden (she's an amazing driver btw) then Francis was there when we got back =)
I left and started driving to carly's. When i got there she ran into the kitchen so i followed and everyone jumped out of the bathroom, nick being in front, screaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY and scared me!
I was totally surprised. Nick, Josh, Carly, Andrew, Emily, Keanan, Paul, Matt, Kayla, Mike, Jenn, Steph, and Colin were there and it was amazing.
Carly gave me a 40 and a flower made out of condoms <3
Kayla got me a strange vest and a candle. weird but i love her.
Jenn made me an A M A Z I N G card with stickers and markers!
Rupal got me sweet belly button rings which i love but im sad she wasnt there =(
I had an amazing birthday and i love my friends<3
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[20 Nov 2006|05:48pm] |
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So! my birthday is coming up on Wednesday. should be fun!
I don't know what's going on. all i know is im going to carly's after school and we're gonna party =)
she said she has something planned and that scares me!
as long as i see my friends and im with josh then im ok.
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[07 Nov 2006|12:48pm] |
i miss the days.
I miss the days of sitting on the curb waiting for the ice cream man that gave us free gum.
counting the steps it took me to run to allison's house.
running through the spirinklers like no one else was watching.
crushing on every boy in your 4th grade class but not giving it a second thought.
making lemonade stands for 10 cents just so we COULD get the ice cream man.
exploring the jungles of my back yard when it was composed of only about 5 trees and a dried up stream.
running to be home before the streetlights went on so i wouldn't be grounded.
when my biggest fear was crossing the street without looking first.
and now it's all different.
worrying about what every one else has to say.
trying to move on with a guy who hurts me.
still missing the one guy you're still in love with.
hoping we don't get caught with our pants down.
figuratively speaking of course. =)
sneaking around and having fun.
getting a new job and dealing with a psycho boss.
and now having a bigger fear of fucking up my life becuase of one night.
just last night i was swinging on a swingset with the one guy i care so much about.
it was like i was 10 again, but with all the feelings of being a 16 year old.
looking at him standing in the light of the streetlight i realized that i worry too much about everything around me.
my friend's are dying and fucking up left and right and it makes me think.
he might be everything to me and yeah im sure i mean a lot to him but i know it's nothing real.
just like how everything important to me when i was 10, seem so juvenile now, only 6 years later.
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[30 Oct 2006|08:04pm] |
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how long am I willing to put up with this?
i can be so angry at him one night, but he kisses me the next day and smiles and everything is completely fine.
is that ok?
are these days of happiness worth the hurt i frequently feel and know i will feel in the future if i continue with him?
im addicted.
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[21 Oct 2006|07:42pm] |
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what to do when you like someone, a lot, but you don't think they like you as much as you do.
but you can't get mad when they're with other girls, becuase they're not your boyfriend. but you get mad anyway because you want them to be.
and you're both really close, really close, and you don't understand why he doesn't want to be with you.
for the record:
i hate being a girl.
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[10 Oct 2006|06:48pm] |
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i keep dreaming you'll be with me and you never know...
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[05 Oct 2006|07:28pm] |
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amazing night tonight
i love stephanie may albertini.
with all my heart.
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[04 Oct 2006|06:10pm] |
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done with you
on to him.
completely finished with those sorry and pathetic posts.
im not going to waste anymore time crying over someone who doesn't even want me.
i dont understand the way people think sometimes.
it's like boys can just forget an amazing night when girls think about it for the next week.
I over analyze everything, maybe that's my main problem.
i love my friends.
kara, rupal, laela, joanna, brittany, sarah, heather.
i love them. they keep me going everyday.
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[29 Sep 2006|07:34pm] |
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i should have never let you in
never should have wanted you for this long.
but i cant help it
sometimes i can't wait until you're gone.
so i wont cry so much
but then i also dont want you to leave
becuase i don't want to miss another chance.
eventhough it won't ever come
i know i won't ever be ablet o express in words to you how much i care about you.
and if you want to be with bitches who could give two cents about you compared to how i feel then fine.
i just hope you remember who was there.
for a year and still going.
who cried over it.
thank you,
for making me think i won't ever be good enough.
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[24 Sep 2006|07:05pm] |
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words cannot even come close to explaining how i feel right now.
it's like everything i had is gone.
and everyone has left me.
i have no one good in my life right now.
no one worth seeing.
the only thing i look forward to each week is work.
becuase i don't think about anyone while i'm there.
i hate school.
i hate going and i hate seeing people.
i dont want to hear about how happy you are.
sure i act happy when i talk to you, when everynight im crying.
becuase of you.
and because theres 3 other guys who hurt me too.
but hey, that's ok becuase im just me and it's ok to just not care about me.
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| FDAJSFHD |
[20 Sep 2006|06:50pm] |
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i hate boys.
why can't everything go back to how it was with
you.
perfect.
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| kill hannah |
[16 Sep 2006|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 sore and dead. |
] |
the kill hannah conert was just about amazing as amazing can be.
sure, i got crushed and shoved and elbowed, but it was all worth it.
just to see johnny...eventho he's gay, i know he loves me.
i wish you could have been there with me.
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[16 Sep 2006|12:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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kill hannah |
] |
i'll be fine.
pretending that everything's ok.
believe me.
it's been this long, im sure i can keep it up.
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[12 Sep 2006|04:08pm] |
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how are you so completely in love with someone, who doesn't even like you back?
you,
i'm so sorry.
i wouldn't blame you if you wish you never met me, let alone was ever with me.
sometimes i wish i never laid eyes on you.
becuase i would have never fallen in love from day one
before i even knew your name
and you were just cute boy with the weird hair
i would have never shared my life with you and given you all of me.
or told you everything
i would have never enjoyed laying with you for almost 13 hours hours a day.
i would have never seen you cry.
or been comfortable enough to cry in front of you
but when you smile at me it makes everything wrong with me go away.
i bet you didn't know that.
you mean everything to me.
and im sorry that i can't mean anything to you anymore.
im sad to know that it won't ever happen again.
but i wouldn't give what we had up for the world.
eventhough we're just friends
dont ever forget that everytime i look at you i miss you more than you would ever know.
and when you're sick of being treated like shit by everyone else.
know that i will always be here.
and that i'm sorry.
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[11 Sep 2006|12:50pm] |
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When will you realize I will not settle for anyone but you?
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